Column: Chat with Your Kids About the Iran Conflict

A Personal Reflection on War, Family, and the Importance of Communication

I was born in February 1956, just a few years after the Korean War officially ended on June 27, 1953. However, I’ve always felt that the conflict never truly concluded for the people of Korea. The United States has been involved in various forms of military engagement throughout my life, whether it’s called a “war,” “military campaign,” “border dispute,” or “police action.” If you don’t count the Cold War, which I believe never really ended, then the U.S. has been at war almost constantly.

The Vietnam War had a personal impact on me when my Uncle Jim, who shares my name and is also named after a king of England, fled to Canada to avoid the draft. Shortly after this news broke, I was on a school bus when a boy began shouting anti-Vietnam War slogans. He came up to me and asked how I felt about the war. I responded with something like, “We need to support our troops.” He called me a “war monger” and walked away.

This incident left me shaken, so I had a long conversation with my parents about the war and what it meant. My mother’s father had served in the British Army during World War I, and she had lived through the Blitz in London during World War II. My father, meanwhile, was working as a radio intercept operator for the U.S. Air Force in Great Britain in 1956. They both had strong opinions about war and its consequences.

Whether or not one supports a war, I think the most important thing is how parents communicate with their children about these issues. Kids will have questions, and they deserve honest, age-appropriate answers. According to a report from The Associated Press, even indirect exposure to war can influence how children think, feel, and behave.

Child psychologists and developmental experts recommend that parents engage in regular conversations with their children, address misinformation without going into excessive detail, and create a safe space for discussion. Rebecca Smith, the global head of child protection at Save the Children, emphasizes that ignoring difficult topics can leave children feeling confused and scared. She says, “Sometimes adults think if they don’t talk about something that is difficult, then it doesn’t exist. But we know that’s not the reality in children’s lives.”

My parents took the time to sit us all down in the living room and talk about war, specifically the Vietnam War. They also asked us about our dreams, which I found strange at the time. They wanted to know if we were having nightmares. Because we were of different ages, there was a lot of explanation. As the oldest, I received an extra talk about what might happen if I were ever called to serve.

In the end, I was classified as “4F,” meaning my vision was too poor for military service. That was a relief, but the experience taught me a lot about the importance of open communication between parents and children.

One of the things our family did together was watch the CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite every night. He had a way of presenting the news that made it easy for kids to understand. When we didn’t get something, our parents would explain it to us. I’m not sure if watching “Uncle Walter” inspired my interest in journalism, but I do know that his calm and clear reporting helped shape my understanding of the world.

Today, as the Middle East continues to face conflicts, it’s more important than ever for parents to guide their children through the complexities of global events. Don’t let your kids try to figure it out on their own. Help them understand, and you might learn something along the way.

Jim Smith is the former editor of The Daily Democrat, retiring in 2021 after a 27-year career at the paper.